Lesson

Wow, Today was just fantastic. God has been teaching me alot today through being at powerquest. First of all, I find it necessary to explain the story. Powerquest essentially is vacation bible school. There are teams and stuff, and I was a leader on a team called tnt. I wasn't even a full leader in the first place, when I came last wednesday, because I hadn't planned on coming. I sort of came last minute, and did what I could to help.

Friday I couldn't come, and thats when the teams and leaders were really set in stone. So, I was no longer a leader in powerquest. Today at work my plan was to see if I could get off early to go to powerquest and visit with my friends, if I couldn't be there, being with friends at the end would be better than nothing. But Work was really slow today, and that is a miracle for me. I was allowed to be on call for amanda, so I went straight to powerquest.

I wasn't allowed to be a leader, they had all the spots filled. So I asked the one in charge what I could do to help. I did everything given to me. I said, lord, I am here, and I am going to give whatever I do my all. I don't care what it is. So, I was given some pretty tough stuff to do. All of it was simple, and humbling. I got to meet new people, and show I really cared. I was outside, and I was sweating horribly, because my Job required me to run non-stop. It looked easy, but it really wasn't, at all.

But anyways, charles, the other team leader for TNT, he sprained his wrist, so, the first person that was called in to take his place as leader was me. I did everything I could to be a good leader. I had worked so hard to get there with absolutely no guarantee. But God was with me. He showed me a huge lesson today, you have to do what you are given in front of you to the full. Why would you be trusted with something big when you can't even handle the small things given to you.

One thing is for sure though, when I was given the priveledge of being a leader, It meant so much more to me that I earned it. I thank God for this great lesson today. Oh, and after all that, I even got the t-shirt, from the leader. That told me that I was in the club. I'm so excited, its absolutely awesome.

When I Stumble

After I stumble, its like, I see everything I have done for the way it is. I look back and I see what I could have done better. Its humiliating, I stumble so much, and I feel helpless to prevent it. Its not within my power to stop. For I am nothing more than a human. I don't like to wear the title Christian, I bring shame to Jesus' name, when I want to bring him glory, he deserves nothing less than my all, yet most of the time, if not all of it, I'm holding back from him.

I want to give God my all but I keep falling into the deadly snare of sin. I'm so helpless! Its like I want to scream and rip all of my hair out. When it is over and done though, God is right there with me, he didn't leave me at all, he never gave up on me and he is always there. I just don't get it, his love is infinite. There is so much that I don't know, I want to keep learning. Every time I fall, I am reminded of how holy God is, but recently, I've noticed that he is a loving, and ever patient God. If you believe otherwise, it is a lie from the enemy!

I'm sick of gratifying the wicked desires of the flesh, which bring only death. But the fruit of the spirit is, Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. The fruit of the spirit brings eternal life! I'm stuck with the flesh, the twisted demented flesh. I'm sick on the inside when I think of it.

In my heart, I know that God is going to be with me, as I walk through this. I know he will enable me to do his perfect and holy will. And I know that he will used me as I am, flawed, and imperfect in every way. He will love me and be by my side always & forever. The God I love and worship is perfect, loving and Holy. All Glory be to God!

Empty

I'm a bit empty right now. Its funny, its like, no matter what I try to do, there is still this gap that needs filling. Like an inborn feeling of emptiness. I have the world right now. I have the coolest friends in the world, and I can talk to them about anything. I love to be with them, yet even when I am with them there is still a gap that they cant fill.

I was thinking about that, I guess there is only one who can fill that void. Strange, that we procrastinate on reading the Bible, or praying, when He is the only one who can fill the gap. I'll wager that Satan is doing everything he can to cover our eyes to the truth.

I remember growing up, I would always do the worldly things, and even now as a Christian, I am just as susceptible to some of them. Its so hard to break old habits. Recently though, I believe that the holy spirit has been helping me along the way. He is the one that Lives inside of me. He is just as real as the things we see around us, no... He is realer than that.

The Kingdom of Heaven is upside down, in order to save your life, you must give it up. In order to receive, you must give. Show love instead of hate. Its so much better than the wicked ways of the world though. And we put to death the evil desires of the flesh, for we are new creatures in Christ.

I love this new life that is in me. I am a new person and I know that. I love Jesus, and I give all credit to him, for he has done a work in me so far beyond what I could have ever expected. He has filled the gap, and paid my debt.

I've taken several steps towards my new life with God. I want my hands to serve him, I want to dedicate my life to him. That's why I am going to Fulfill The Call. I've been so worried about getting there, I myself cannot hope to pay the funds, but, this is my decision. I know its in God's hands and I have complete faith in him.