I've been coming down on myself too much lately. My mom caught my attention when she said it upsets her when I give up on something before I even start. Something like college.
I am going to disciple now, really excited about that =D. My parents allowed me to go. I just gotta clean the house and stuff.
I think I need to get a myspace, so I can link up with all my friends at church. I love blogger, but almost nobody knows what It is. So this might very well be the last post from this site.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Crap!
I'm really in a bit of trouble here. I could blame it on anybody else, but I know that it is my fault. I JUST now started looking into college. It's like there was no real push to go into college before now, and hardly any success stories, from the people I hang out with at my school. Which might just be because I dont hang out with the seniors too much because i'm a looser... J/k. I just dont hang out with them because my best friends, even though they are younger than me are in my neighborhood.
Call me a tad bit immature. But I just dont see the reason to hang out with any of the seniors. All my life I've known most of them, but then, like, in high school, I found myself seperated from everybody I knew. They all kept going to the honor's classes and I didn't. The guys in the classes I had were all so... secular, and really trying to push it on me.
But here I am, reguardless of circumstances, biting my teeth, and furious at myself. Why didn't I push myself to get out into the world? I was talking to God earlier, and during my encounter with Him, I was just filled with the urge to get out on my own. I mean, there is just no explaining it. I had been just Idling by, waiting for something to happen in life, and Now, its like I'm on fire to get out on my own two feet, but I'm just so furious at myself because as I look at these college websites, and fastweb scholarship search, I see a bunch of deadlines that I didn't meet.
It creates something even worse, when I think about MCI, and that whole scandal. My mother used to work there, and she had $90,000 dollars in savings for me to go to college. She had worked so hard, and now it's all gone to waste. I think the stocks she had dropped to a value of about $500.
The College I want to go to most is Southeastern university. But In my heart, I dont know if I am so sure my reasons are all because of God. There is something else too... but if I go, I want it to be all for God, All of it.
I am just so stressed out over this. I mean, its like I'm never going to get into college. And I'm never going to get out on my own. and I'm never going to have a family. And I'm going to live in the subliminal right hand quadrant of my parental unit! That just ... bites. I have to Get Out NOW.
Call me a tad bit immature. But I just dont see the reason to hang out with any of the seniors. All my life I've known most of them, but then, like, in high school, I found myself seperated from everybody I knew. They all kept going to the honor's classes and I didn't. The guys in the classes I had were all so... secular, and really trying to push it on me.
But here I am, reguardless of circumstances, biting my teeth, and furious at myself. Why didn't I push myself to get out into the world? I was talking to God earlier, and during my encounter with Him, I was just filled with the urge to get out on my own. I mean, there is just no explaining it. I had been just Idling by, waiting for something to happen in life, and Now, its like I'm on fire to get out on my own two feet, but I'm just so furious at myself because as I look at these college websites, and fastweb scholarship search, I see a bunch of deadlines that I didn't meet.
It creates something even worse, when I think about MCI, and that whole scandal. My mother used to work there, and she had $90,000 dollars in savings for me to go to college. She had worked so hard, and now it's all gone to waste. I think the stocks she had dropped to a value of about $500.
The College I want to go to most is Southeastern university. But In my heart, I dont know if I am so sure my reasons are all because of God. There is something else too... but if I go, I want it to be all for God, All of it.
I am just so stressed out over this. I mean, its like I'm never going to get into college. And I'm never going to get out on my own. and I'm never going to have a family. And I'm going to live in the subliminal right hand quadrant of my parental unit! That just ... bites. I have to Get Out NOW.
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