To those who know me, you most likely know that I consider myself slow to anger, I try to let things slide, or at least thats what I've been doing in the past. Here recently though, I find myself getting so angry at this one person in my class. It's like every chance he gets, he will cut me down, or otherwise belittle me. Its so aggravating!
Anyways, I've been under much stress lately, with exams, and failing some tests and stuff. Its all a ton of junk. Ugh, I'm so stressing. But God is good, and I know that he will not give us anything that we cannot handle. This isn't one of those spiritual revelation blogs, however, I just needed to get some stress out of my head before I burst asunder(I like that word).
I don't have good study habits at all. That fool rubs it in my face, made everything worse, inside I had that burning human desire to hit him in the face, how unchristian, I had to walk away to cool off and talk to God. I can't do this on my own, my human nature is a terrible vermin, yet God, even through this still loves me.
I keep on thinking that FTC would be much more enjoyable without this guy around because really, he is the one who causes me much pain and Misery. And take a look at it, I'm always getting stuck with him, I'm his roommate, He's into the same field of interest as me, so we get stuck together by our teachers at every possible opportunity. His very personality is somewhat repulsive to my instinct, what's worse is that he thinks he is doing me a favor sometimes by what he does.
Maybe I'm just foolish for thinking all of this, but I too am only human, and I do give into human desires, for the only thing that can keep me away from my flesh(human nature) is Christ Jesus, and/or the super amazing counselor that he had sent, the Divine Holy Spirit of God! Anyways, I feel sort of disconnected from that today, and I don't have the opportunity to pray at the current moment, but, I guess studying, which is what I'm about to do, is somewhat an equivalent, because I am studying His Word.
My heart burns for vengeance but it is not mine to take, everything I have an own is Gods, I have given my life to him, and I don't want to do anything apart from His will, for He knows what is best for us.
So God, take my anger, and do whatever you please with it. Take it away from me, I give it to you, for your word says "Cast your cares upon him, for he cares for you" You willingly take our burdens. You are so amazing God. I just don't even want this anger in my heart anymore, because it is not of you. Heal me and break me, for I am your servant, and I have fully given my life to you. It is my pleasure to serve you. Thank you Jesus for all of the wonderful things you have done in my life. Amen.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Armour Bearer Report
Devon Dieffenbach
Armourbearer Writing Assignment
The Biblical armourbearer is an individual who will lie down his own desires, dreams, and life, for that of his leader. He is there to hold his masters sword and shield in the midst of a great spiritual battle. He knows the heart of his leader, instinctively knows and anticipates his leader's needs, and will actively search for ways to provide service to the leader with minimum strain, or overhead. An armourbearer must have respect and perhaps even reverence for his leader, not only is the armourbearer there to serve his leader, but also to provide strength, encouragement, and wise consul. An effective armourbearer is wholeheartedly submitted to his leaders authority and position, and understands the biblical concept of authority, as according to Romans 13:1-2 "for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves." In otherwords, if you rebel against your authority, you are rebelling against God.
So now it comes down to the question of how we can fulfill our duty as an armourbearer. Spiritually, we can assist our leader beyond all else by praying for them constantly and feverantly. Praying for our leader is the greatest thing we can do for them, because in praying for them, God often changes our hearts through prayer, and will show us ways we can serve, but most importantly prayer is the strongest weapon we posess in spiritual warefare. Praying for them must be our topmost priority in serving them.
After God has revealed ways you can serve your leader, we need to seek ways we can serve them physically, it could be as simple as taking out the trash, or fixing a computer, but a general rule of thumb is to not let your leader do something you wouldn't want to do, unless it can't be helped. Mentally, we have to be on the prowl, satan lurks around every corner, and we must guard our hearts and minds, and not allow the spirit of rebellion or pride to come into the picture. When we are given tasks, keep a good mind on being cost effective, in time as well as cash, make sure not to spend too much time doing a task of little consequence, when you could be helping in a much larger way. That isn't to say promote yourself, the point I am trying to emphasize is that you keep your leaders priorities in mind. Every leader has a different social situation, and that must be taken into account when serving them socially. We have to bear in mind, that we are not aiming to be their best friend, or "golf buddy," but that we are there to serve them. We must be friendly, gentle, and easy to talk to, and we have to listen, more than we speak.
Armourbearer Writing Assignment
The Biblical armourbearer is an individual who will lie down his own desires, dreams, and life, for that of his leader. He is there to hold his masters sword and shield in the midst of a great spiritual battle. He knows the heart of his leader, instinctively knows and anticipates his leader's needs, and will actively search for ways to provide service to the leader with minimum strain, or overhead. An armourbearer must have respect and perhaps even reverence for his leader, not only is the armourbearer there to serve his leader, but also to provide strength, encouragement, and wise consul. An effective armourbearer is wholeheartedly submitted to his leaders authority and position, and understands the biblical concept of authority, as according to Romans 13:1-2 "for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves." In otherwords, if you rebel against your authority, you are rebelling against God.
So now it comes down to the question of how we can fulfill our duty as an armourbearer. Spiritually, we can assist our leader beyond all else by praying for them constantly and feverantly. Praying for our leader is the greatest thing we can do for them, because in praying for them, God often changes our hearts through prayer, and will show us ways we can serve, but most importantly prayer is the strongest weapon we posess in spiritual warefare. Praying for them must be our topmost priority in serving them.
After God has revealed ways you can serve your leader, we need to seek ways we can serve them physically, it could be as simple as taking out the trash, or fixing a computer, but a general rule of thumb is to not let your leader do something you wouldn't want to do, unless it can't be helped. Mentally, we have to be on the prowl, satan lurks around every corner, and we must guard our hearts and minds, and not allow the spirit of rebellion or pride to come into the picture. When we are given tasks, keep a good mind on being cost effective, in time as well as cash, make sure not to spend too much time doing a task of little consequence, when you could be helping in a much larger way. That isn't to say promote yourself, the point I am trying to emphasize is that you keep your leaders priorities in mind. Every leader has a different social situation, and that must be taken into account when serving them socially. We have to bear in mind, that we are not aiming to be their best friend, or "golf buddy," but that we are there to serve them. We must be friendly, gentle, and easy to talk to, and we have to listen, more than we speak.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Random Ramble(Wisdom recovery)
I'm back home again. I guess you could call it a tradition to post something to my blog when I am home for a few days. So much is going on in my life, and its so crazy having time to sit down and think.
Being bed ridden for a few days really has given me plenty of time to sort of mull things over. I began to think about how short our lives are, and how weak and fragile our existence is. Thinking about it called back a few memories, mostly from the time being here at this new house. Being here is intoxicating, memories of the past are everywhere. Who I was conflicts with who I am, yet both share respect for one another.
Memories, they have a funny way, of leaving out the bad feelings. I remember getting frustrated at my dad, and running out of the house, not running away, just away from him for the time, wanting to wait for mom to get home. Back then...it wasn't such a good thing, but... Now, its held in a sort of positive light. I have no way of explaining it, it's just plain weird.
I hold every single one of my memories as precious, and perhaps I cherish them a bit too much. Its natural for me, when times get rough, to seek refuge within the confines of my mind, where everything is under my control. I'll admit, its a nice feeling to be home, where I know my closest friends are just a stones throw away, and my Mom is here too.
I remember when I started this blog, almost two years ago now. That's insane, it feels so new still. I wasn't saved back then really, I was agnostic, didn't believe there was any way to know if God was real or just fairy tale legend. I sort of devoted all my writing here to finding facts, and looking into them from a different perspective. All in all, God showed himself to me, for scripture says (somewhere, I'll get back to you, I think maybe in the gospel of Matthew) that he who seeks shall find.
Anyways, I have warm memories here, I love this little place, for I can collect my thoughts, and sharpen them so to speak. I love to learn, and, just writing, is a great form of practice, and I need much more of it. When I first started this, I thought I wanted to be a writer, God may have plans for me yet, but, whatever it is, I'm not going to worry about it for a long time.
Life was so much easier two years ago, all I had to worry about was passing high school, and of course, Sarah. My parents marriage was still somewhat intact, but the pains of depression had been tormenting my father for the past three years or so.
Anyways, I'm really ready for the holidays, I can use a vacation, and some time to be with those who are close to me, parents, friends, family. Ah, yes, rehabilitation! Warmth, sitting around fire, presents, lights, Oh I cant wait to see what Christmas service is like this year at CCH! Maybe I can get my grandparents to come, that would rock!
Well that was fun, night guys.
PS, in case you were wondering about the title of this post, I am at home because I had my wisdom teeth pulled/cut out this Thursday, and I am recuperating.
Being bed ridden for a few days really has given me plenty of time to sort of mull things over. I began to think about how short our lives are, and how weak and fragile our existence is. Thinking about it called back a few memories, mostly from the time being here at this new house. Being here is intoxicating, memories of the past are everywhere. Who I was conflicts with who I am, yet both share respect for one another.
Memories, they have a funny way, of leaving out the bad feelings. I remember getting frustrated at my dad, and running out of the house, not running away, just away from him for the time, wanting to wait for mom to get home. Back then...it wasn't such a good thing, but... Now, its held in a sort of positive light. I have no way of explaining it, it's just plain weird.
I hold every single one of my memories as precious, and perhaps I cherish them a bit too much. Its natural for me, when times get rough, to seek refuge within the confines of my mind, where everything is under my control. I'll admit, its a nice feeling to be home, where I know my closest friends are just a stones throw away, and my Mom is here too.
I remember when I started this blog, almost two years ago now. That's insane, it feels so new still. I wasn't saved back then really, I was agnostic, didn't believe there was any way to know if God was real or just fairy tale legend. I sort of devoted all my writing here to finding facts, and looking into them from a different perspective. All in all, God showed himself to me, for scripture says (somewhere, I'll get back to you, I think maybe in the gospel of Matthew) that he who seeks shall find.
Anyways, I have warm memories here, I love this little place, for I can collect my thoughts, and sharpen them so to speak. I love to learn, and, just writing, is a great form of practice, and I need much more of it. When I first started this, I thought I wanted to be a writer, God may have plans for me yet, but, whatever it is, I'm not going to worry about it for a long time.
Life was so much easier two years ago, all I had to worry about was passing high school, and of course, Sarah. My parents marriage was still somewhat intact, but the pains of depression had been tormenting my father for the past three years or so.
Anyways, I'm really ready for the holidays, I can use a vacation, and some time to be with those who are close to me, parents, friends, family. Ah, yes, rehabilitation! Warmth, sitting around fire, presents, lights, Oh I cant wait to see what Christmas service is like this year at CCH! Maybe I can get my grandparents to come, that would rock!
Well that was fun, night guys.
PS, in case you were wondering about the title of this post, I am at home because I had my wisdom teeth pulled/cut out this Thursday, and I am recuperating.
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