Oh, I feel at the absolute bottom here, I have given up on Gods word and I so desperately want to come back to it. I am empty and am nothing without him. I should stop concerning myself about why I follow him, and In my times of doubt, I shall remember what he has done for me, In showing himself to me. I must be a lucky man, for I had a purpose in my life.
The more I learn in this world the smaller I feel. Certain things that once brought me delight flee before me and I am left with nothing. Why is this world so cruel? I feel that everybody in this planet always steps on my feet, that I cannot become what I want to become.
Yet what is it that I want to become so much? Will it make any difference to me at all? Will diving my head into programming somehow take away the pain and lonelieness? I am an outcast by society, Will I ever fit in and become something?
Most of the guys my age think about how to get a girl... What good would that do for me? Still feel empty even with family around. Nothing can fill this gap that has been put into me.
When In doubt, I can always turn to every life point seeking letter I write. Everything points to something that needs to be there to fill me. Everything points to something superior to what this world has to offer. Everything points to God being there.
