"You don't have to tell him, just keep it secret he wont know."
"You don't have to show all of your faults...Just some of them.. accountability doesn't mean everything...Just the essentials..."
"Your not as good as him... You failed... He's much better than you"
"You know...You don't need to pray..as long as you just think of God"
"don't Lie to yourself...You cant break that habit of lust, you might go for a week, or maybe even a month... but sooner or later you will fall."
"Your friends can never know your secrets. Or they will despise you."
"Say good things? why, they can get over a Joke.. It didn't mean anything"
"hahaha... you can just wait till later to fix the problem... You know you need to do this now... why change?"
"You said a cussword... haha...everybody does it... and it was ever so small...and look everybody thinks your cool now."
"don't tell them about God, its too hard...you can do it later...perhaps when your in better standing with God.. or even better...someone else can do it."
"God is mad with you... your prayers wont be answered."
The DEVIL has gotten through me. and I feel I have failed...
Sin is Real and so are the consequences. COVER SIN UP AND IT BLOWS UP!
I have much to say about this now... and most of this message is to myself for letting things get out of hand...and putting the blame on other people when It belongs only to myself. I let my best friend.. I let him down... I wasn't there... and I kept lying to myself... Not all of it was satan...some of it must have been me...
I was too prideful. I was too ashamed to come into the light.. and now everything has blown up. Its a disaster. I don't even know if everything will be fine in the end... but Now... my pride has been broken, shattered into many pieces. I am broken. for I was the fool.
I look to the future now with new hope. That I may be forgiven, by God first of all, but also by that of friends, one in particular. I allowed jealousy, anger, and pride to blind me. Then I did not see it as wrong.. I didn't know any better, and the Bible says somewhere... I've read It, I know it...I think its somewhere in Romans... that the law serves to show us what we have done wrong, those who know not what they do have not sinned. (something like that more or less). So, now that I do know that it is wrong.. I'm going to do my absolute best to keep from it again.. and lean on God's infinite strength rather than my own.
My worst fears have come to pass tonight.
- To Be seen as stupid
- To be looked down upon and scorned
- To loose(or alienate) my best friend.
- To be seen as I am, in my worst most naked state.
I am still just as susceptible to this as I was before. But now I pray against it and lean on God's strength to guide me through it. I love God with all my heart, and want to serve him with all of my life. I am so grateful that He gave His Only Son to die for us, so that we may be saved through him. I am saved no matter how much a sinner... and I'm absolutely pathetic, because all sin is equal in the eyes of the Lord God almighty. But he still died for us, he made a way, and its a free gift! I accept! I ACCEPT.. Who wouldn't its so awesome.
I with renewed strength will become stronger in my walk with Christ. And will pursue this relationship more intensely. As God the Shepard will lead my path. Thy Rod and Staff comfort me.
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