Today the horrible wounds of yesterday are still there.. the swelling seems to have died down a bit.. Doctor says that the arm probably doesn't need amputation. Thats always a plus. It still hurts like junk anyways. I don't like to move it. But, I need to exercise it before the muscles in it turn to fat, and the arm itself becomes useless.
It was relatively peaceful today. I went white water rafting with my grandfather. 13 hour round trip. I think I will post some pictures up sooner or later. I had a good time doing it. Its kinda depressing though. The whole way home I was waiting in eager anticipation to see all of my friends, but its like nobody even noticed that I was gone.. Kinda sucked, and was a bit depressing, I'm hoping that somebody will sign on soon. Or actually i'm probably going to hang out with the kid across the street. My arm still hurts, I dont want to go too far away from home right now.
Anyways, I guess it wasn't that bad of an injury, I'm just giving it too much attention. I should probably just ignore it. I mean.. the arm can get over it eventually. It can heal, it should know i didn't do it on purpose... If it still thinks that, and it wont heal from the injury, amputation may be necessary.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
The Consequence
"don't let them see you for who you are"
"You don't have to tell him, just keep it secret he wont know."
"You don't have to show all of your faults...Just some of them.. accountability doesn't mean everything...Just the essentials..."
"Your not as good as him... You failed... He's much better than you"
"You know...You don't need to pray..as long as you just think of God"
"don't Lie to yourself...You cant break that habit of lust, you might go for a week, or maybe even a month... but sooner or later you will fall."
"Your friends can never know your secrets. Or they will despise you."
"Say good things? why, they can get over a Joke.. It didn't mean anything"
"hahaha... you can just wait till later to fix the problem... You know you need to do this now... why change?"
"You said a cussword... haha...everybody does it... and it was ever so small...and look everybody thinks your cool now."
"don't tell them about God, its too hard...you can do it later...perhaps when your in better standing with God.. or even better...someone else can do it."
"God is mad with you... your prayers wont be answered."
The DEVIL has gotten through me. and I feel I have failed...
Sin is Real and so are the consequences. COVER SIN UP AND IT BLOWS UP!
I have much to say about this now... and most of this message is to myself for letting things get out of hand...and putting the blame on other people when It belongs only to myself. I let my best friend.. I let him down... I wasn't there... and I kept lying to myself... Not all of it was satan...some of it must have been me...
I was too prideful. I was too ashamed to come into the light.. and now everything has blown up. Its a disaster. I don't even know if everything will be fine in the end... but Now... my pride has been broken, shattered into many pieces. I am broken. for I was the fool.
I look to the future now with new hope. That I may be forgiven, by God first of all, but also by that of friends, one in particular. I allowed jealousy, anger, and pride to blind me. Then I did not see it as wrong.. I didn't know any better, and the Bible says somewhere... I've read It, I know it...I think its somewhere in Romans... that the law serves to show us what we have done wrong, those who know not what they do have not sinned. (something like that more or less). So, now that I do know that it is wrong.. I'm going to do my absolute best to keep from it again.. and lean on God's infinite strength rather than my own.
My worst fears have come to pass tonight.
I am still just as susceptible to this as I was before. But now I pray against it and lean on God's strength to guide me through it. I love God with all my heart, and want to serve him with all of my life. I am so grateful that He gave His Only Son to die for us, so that we may be saved through him. I am saved no matter how much a sinner... and I'm absolutely pathetic, because all sin is equal in the eyes of the Lord God almighty. But he still died for us, he made a way, and its a free gift! I accept! I ACCEPT.. Who wouldn't its so awesome.
I with renewed strength will become stronger in my walk with Christ. And will pursue this relationship more intensely. As God the Shepard will lead my path. Thy Rod and Staff comfort me.
"You don't have to tell him, just keep it secret he wont know."
"You don't have to show all of your faults...Just some of them.. accountability doesn't mean everything...Just the essentials..."
"Your not as good as him... You failed... He's much better than you"
"You know...You don't need to pray..as long as you just think of God"
"don't Lie to yourself...You cant break that habit of lust, you might go for a week, or maybe even a month... but sooner or later you will fall."
"Your friends can never know your secrets. Or they will despise you."
"Say good things? why, they can get over a Joke.. It didn't mean anything"
"hahaha... you can just wait till later to fix the problem... You know you need to do this now... why change?"
"You said a cussword... haha...everybody does it... and it was ever so small...and look everybody thinks your cool now."
"don't tell them about God, its too hard...you can do it later...perhaps when your in better standing with God.. or even better...someone else can do it."
"God is mad with you... your prayers wont be answered."
The DEVIL has gotten through me. and I feel I have failed...
Sin is Real and so are the consequences. COVER SIN UP AND IT BLOWS UP!
I have much to say about this now... and most of this message is to myself for letting things get out of hand...and putting the blame on other people when It belongs only to myself. I let my best friend.. I let him down... I wasn't there... and I kept lying to myself... Not all of it was satan...some of it must have been me...
I was too prideful. I was too ashamed to come into the light.. and now everything has blown up. Its a disaster. I don't even know if everything will be fine in the end... but Now... my pride has been broken, shattered into many pieces. I am broken. for I was the fool.
I look to the future now with new hope. That I may be forgiven, by God first of all, but also by that of friends, one in particular. I allowed jealousy, anger, and pride to blind me. Then I did not see it as wrong.. I didn't know any better, and the Bible says somewhere... I've read It, I know it...I think its somewhere in Romans... that the law serves to show us what we have done wrong, those who know not what they do have not sinned. (something like that more or less). So, now that I do know that it is wrong.. I'm going to do my absolute best to keep from it again.. and lean on God's infinite strength rather than my own.
My worst fears have come to pass tonight.
- To Be seen as stupid
- To be looked down upon and scorned
- To loose(or alienate) my best friend.
- To be seen as I am, in my worst most naked state.
I am still just as susceptible to this as I was before. But now I pray against it and lean on God's strength to guide me through it. I love God with all my heart, and want to serve him with all of my life. I am so grateful that He gave His Only Son to die for us, so that we may be saved through him. I am saved no matter how much a sinner... and I'm absolutely pathetic, because all sin is equal in the eyes of the Lord God almighty. But he still died for us, he made a way, and its a free gift! I accept! I ACCEPT.. Who wouldn't its so awesome.
I with renewed strength will become stronger in my walk with Christ. And will pursue this relationship more intensely. As God the Shepard will lead my path. Thy Rod and Staff comfort me.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
FC4 --> 5
I've heard some good reviews of FC5. I remember getting fc4 about a week after it had finally came out. But I'm really excited to hear about some new features in fc5. What I am mostly concerned with is that it uses alot less memory than FC4. And applications like open office.org took 3 minutes to load. The worst of which being yumex, usually initial startup ranges from 300-500 seconds. thats like 4-5 minutes. I've always thought of yum being slow too, so that is part of the problem.
Right now, I have my parents office computer in the basement flogging our house bandwidth in the house at 127 kbps downloading the bittorrent of the 5 iso's. hopefully my mother will bring back some blank cds home when she gets back from the mall. I just ran out, and I dont feel like leaving it alone right now.
I'm killing my laptop (the one to be upgraded) by uploading all of my music, and videos, documents, and data to my ipod via usb 1.2.. Geez its taking almost as long as the bittorrent. I'll probably finish getting the computer ready and the iso's on discs by 11:30 tonight, just in time for me to be getting to sleep.
My computer has 25 gigs of music and video on it, very troublesome. But I'm very enthusiastic. Hopefully, it has the mpgv4 libraries on it allready because, fc4 doesn't have them in any repositories and I cant find out how to get gtkpod to put movies on my ipod without that stuff.
Right now, I have my parents office computer in the basement flogging our house bandwidth in the house at 127 kbps downloading the bittorrent of the 5 iso's. hopefully my mother will bring back some blank cds home when she gets back from the mall. I just ran out, and I dont feel like leaving it alone right now.
I'm killing my laptop (the one to be upgraded) by uploading all of my music, and videos, documents, and data to my ipod via usb 1.2.. Geez its taking almost as long as the bittorrent. I'll probably finish getting the computer ready and the iso's on discs by 11:30 tonight, just in time for me to be getting to sleep.
My computer has 25 gigs of music and video on it, very troublesome. But I'm very enthusiastic. Hopefully, it has the mpgv4 libraries on it allready because, fc4 doesn't have them in any repositories and I cant find out how to get gtkpod to put movies on my ipod without that stuff.
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