I'm getting a little stir crazy. My Brain is complete mush, my eyes are dry from crying over my friend who passed away some months ago.
Its tough, I don't think it was very real to me when it happened. It is as if I were waiting on him to get back from a really long mission trip or something. When he passed away, it did not bother me the way it did some people. I just knew I would see him in the next life. However, what I don't think I realized is how freakin long this life is.
Chris was, and is still, my best friend. I know a lot of people say that, and he had a lot of friends. But I really felt like I knew him for a very long time, and it was an honour to be friends with such a man as him. I don't know if he thinks of me as the same, I just often feel that I am passed over, or that people don't recognize me as being a close friend of his. I kinda feel like I was excluded on alot.
Ah well, besides the point, it certainly doesn't matter now, and the flesh has its on weird fleshy ways of wanting to be reognized. How selfish to even be thinking that way.
My mind is mush, I've been stuck inside from the snow since Sunday night (and its now Thursday 1 am. There is no structure to my life, only chaos. Without structure, all else falls apart.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
1:35 am
It occurred to me that I tend to have alot on my mind around 1am. Sometimes I get nostalgic, miss the past, or simpler days. Life for me is always an uphill battle. When I look to yesterday, it brings me warmth, to see that whatever struggle I was going through is really just water under the bridge.
I read back on my previous posts and realize how I always thought it was the end of the world. Right now as I sit on my bed, trying to ease my mind into the concept of sleeping, I ponder many things.
My struggles have all changed. Where as before, I struggled with school, now I struggle with being part of a team running a start-up company. I guess you could say that I enjoy my job. Other people in my position may see it as a place where they would want to grow comfortable and make a living. I see it as a gateway into a much larger opportunity.
I believe God has used my miserable failures of the past, and transformed where I am at into something that can only be a testament to him. The more I look back on it, the more excited I become about the things my Lord has done, and what I think he is planning on doing.
We are taking heavy risks, and now is a time where we are entirely dependant on God for us to continue to survive. Its a massive battle in front of us. Like with the Lords chosen people and their promised land. And God taking his chosen people out of Egypt. There will be much suffering along the way, but he is with you through it!
I often worry about the future, if we at Sobo Networks/ Cloudburst can pull through and make it. I have analyzed myself quite alot, and I know I don't have the mettle to do this alone. I'm not a hard worker, I can be quite lazy, and I have to be directed. I want to do what is comfortable, and often I am not willing to branch out and think for myself. I have the tendency to slide away from work and procrastinate. I save things for later.
I am a massive procrastinator. It can be my undoing. Alot of times I don't have the inward resolve to get something done, I see tasks to be overwhelming. Take today for instance. I have done next to nothing at work (well, I have had to work from home because we got snowed in haha.. epic never seen this much snow in my entire life, and not to mention, the snow is making me think alot about my old friend Chris Daugherty. I really miss him, I cried today looking through photos of him. I think it is really starting to hit me now, [I will blog about this in a minute].
I have been working to identify my weaknesses, so I can confess them to my Lord, and pray that he help me grow through them. Well anyways, I have no clue what the future holds. I have hopes; I will follow my Lord no matter what the outcome; I think I'm a miserable failure and I am in great need of help.
Take Care!
I read back on my previous posts and realize how I always thought it was the end of the world. Right now as I sit on my bed, trying to ease my mind into the concept of sleeping, I ponder many things.
My struggles have all changed. Where as before, I struggled with school, now I struggle with being part of a team running a start-up company. I guess you could say that I enjoy my job. Other people in my position may see it as a place where they would want to grow comfortable and make a living. I see it as a gateway into a much larger opportunity.
I believe God has used my miserable failures of the past, and transformed where I am at into something that can only be a testament to him. The more I look back on it, the more excited I become about the things my Lord has done, and what I think he is planning on doing.
We are taking heavy risks, and now is a time where we are entirely dependant on God for us to continue to survive. Its a massive battle in front of us. Like with the Lords chosen people and their promised land. And God taking his chosen people out of Egypt. There will be much suffering along the way, but he is with you through it!
I often worry about the future, if we at Sobo Networks/ Cloudburst can pull through and make it. I have analyzed myself quite alot, and I know I don't have the mettle to do this alone. I'm not a hard worker, I can be quite lazy, and I have to be directed. I want to do what is comfortable, and often I am not willing to branch out and think for myself. I have the tendency to slide away from work and procrastinate. I save things for later.
I am a massive procrastinator. It can be my undoing. Alot of times I don't have the inward resolve to get something done, I see tasks to be overwhelming. Take today for instance. I have done next to nothing at work (well, I have had to work from home because we got snowed in haha.. epic never seen this much snow in my entire life, and not to mention, the snow is making me think alot about my old friend Chris Daugherty. I really miss him, I cried today looking through photos of him. I think it is really starting to hit me now, [I will blog about this in a minute].
I have been working to identify my weaknesses, so I can confess them to my Lord, and pray that he help me grow through them. Well anyways, I have no clue what the future holds. I have hopes; I will follow my Lord no matter what the outcome; I think I'm a miserable failure and I am in great need of help.
Take Care!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
New Stuff
I'm not really a creative writer ( yet ) so basically my blog is really just a log.
A log of the events in my life, that may be of no particular interest to anybody reading but me.
I don't mind that at all. in fact if you are reading all of this, and you are not me, either we are in a relationship and are sharing our lives with one another, or you are a creepy stalker.
If you are a creepy stalker, I invite you to feel free to stalk me, but I do not intend to give you any incentivie to pursue me further. You are probably creepy and have emotional issues, I cant deal with that.
Snapshot time:
Today I Rolled into work around 7:40 am. I worked till about 5:20. I set goals and have been learning about carrying a vision for the company. I got home and I played guitar. Dane came over, we went to mcdonalds with karrie and aimee.
I talked to people today. I have made many people laugh. Making people laugh is new to me. I am told I am funny. Thats pretty nice. Pretty much I have an awesome life.
Went looking at furniture at wallmart today. I will probably be moving out of my parents house soon and embarking on a new adventure in rome, God willing.
Hadyn's mom cut my hair today. That was pretty cool. Hadyn is one of my closest friends. I have no idea how the future is going to play out, but I would not complain if I got to be more than friends with her. She is one heck of an awesome person. probably my favorite person right now.
Sometimes she is really insecure. I wish she wasn't. She has no idea just how comparitively beautiful she is to other girls. Every guy practically has a crush on her.
Her mom told me she has alot of respect for me. thats something I highly value.
I need to keep better track of my money. I am giving up too much. Not that i am selfish, just it really should not be considered my money to begin with. I need to budget it. and budget it to glorify God.
A log of the events in my life, that may be of no particular interest to anybody reading but me.
I don't mind that at all. in fact if you are reading all of this, and you are not me, either we are in a relationship and are sharing our lives with one another, or you are a creepy stalker.
If you are a creepy stalker, I invite you to feel free to stalk me, but I do not intend to give you any incentivie to pursue me further. You are probably creepy and have emotional issues, I cant deal with that.
Snapshot time:
Today I Rolled into work around 7:40 am. I worked till about 5:20. I set goals and have been learning about carrying a vision for the company. I got home and I played guitar. Dane came over, we went to mcdonalds with karrie and aimee.
I talked to people today. I have made many people laugh. Making people laugh is new to me. I am told I am funny. Thats pretty nice. Pretty much I have an awesome life.
Went looking at furniture at wallmart today. I will probably be moving out of my parents house soon and embarking on a new adventure in rome, God willing.
Hadyn's mom cut my hair today. That was pretty cool. Hadyn is one of my closest friends. I have no idea how the future is going to play out, but I would not complain if I got to be more than friends with her. She is one heck of an awesome person. probably my favorite person right now.
Sometimes she is really insecure. I wish she wasn't. She has no idea just how comparitively beautiful she is to other girls. Every guy practically has a crush on her.
Her mom told me she has alot of respect for me. thats something I highly value.
I need to keep better track of my money. I am giving up too much. Not that i am selfish, just it really should not be considered my money to begin with. I need to budget it. and budget it to glorify God.
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